Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Revenge, love and hatred

People say that revenge and hatred are two self destructive emotions. It can become obsessive and consume your entire life. Total love can turn to total hatred if you allow it and if you are not careful.

Anyone's first love is most beautiful while it lasts. The very first moment of holding the hand of one you love is a blessing that can never be repeated. How can one who has loved ever hate? But we see and hear of love turning to hate. It really amazes me how people who have loved each other can just forget each other once they "break up". It could not have been love in the first place then?

Breaking up is of course a painful experience. Both are hurt. When one is hurt, sometimes the wounded one wants to hurt the other - revenge. Feelings of betrayal, of being let down and of being unappreciated can wreck havoc with the mind and heart, especially if you feel that you were true to the relationship and the other wasn't.

I had an experience when I was very young. I was lucky, however. God had given me the knowledge of unconditional love through a book which I bought from the second hand book store in my teens. I did not know that it was to prepare me for my first "break up". I had known the girl for more than 4 years. When she left, I cried for a month. I did not ever want to love again if it was that painful. At the end of the month I decided that I had to have my revenge. She must pay the penalty. And this is the prayer that I wrote in the form of a poem and etched it into my heart:


I shall kiss
your very hand
that killed
my heart.
I pray for
kindness for
every cruelty
you offer me.
For every crime
your penalty
...the pearls
of this life.


I felt free once I penned those lines in my heart and I could concentrate on my studies and did very well in the university that year!

Today, I must thank God for answering my prayers and my revenge has been obtained. She is successful, happily married with wonderful children and we are friends even to this day.

It is not difficult to love...but to hate needs much effort...:) If I truly believe my Creator is merciful, can't I show some mercy to those around me?


mignonC said...

*Why ppl wil only do sth for themselves when they got break up with gf/bf? Why always wait when break up with bf then only can treat urself better, buy urself nice clothes, eat sth tastier? we live for ourselves, with or without bf or gf, u should treat urself good all the time,in every second you take a breath. if u are nt treating ursef great, who do u expect to treat u nicer than urself? never wait when sth has gone, then only make urself better. it is nt fair for urself.

*hate sb tat u love bfore, bcos u really love him/her very much. it is only 1mm distance in between hate and love. the grey area between love and hate, is tat 1mm... how many ppl can stand on this 1mm area? u cant make it in a short time. when the day comes, probably bcos u find some one, to make u stand on love, and forget others.

sharon heng said...


was wondering when you will write this. I can imagine you praying for her when he broke your heart..that's so you! (can never understand why you were like that). But do you know the hurt of someone who had silently admired you for years and you never realized?..:p. Life got to be lived as life jay...your idealism will only cause you rugi many things like you have rugied!

anyway, been reading your haven't changed one bit..still the kid!

Bulans said...

well i dont pretend to be dr phil, but sometime ada also lah..

people never live their lifes for the reasons they actually want to, but they potray a life that they perceived that is acceptable to their peers, bf/gf, parents, teachers, society at large..

they are either insecure of what or whom they are. that is why people do not "live in their own skin" when they are around other people because they need to let the person perceive themselfs to be something else which becomes conditional.

and when their is no more "stage" they behave like their truer self like shopping or smoking or drinking or gambling or anything that they dont want other people to perceive them to be..

if you compare animals and humans, animals do pretty much what they do instinctively which is as honest as honest can get. if they need to have a crap, they will do it anywhere not being shy, but if we want to buy something for ourselfs we think what other people will think? am i too spendtrift, why you pick that colour not the other and so forth..

when people can start to come to terms with themselfs than they will know that it is them that other will like to get to know not the act that you want other people to think that is actually you.

ofcourse there is the other extreme of selfish people who only wants other people to think and behave and conform to what ever they want..

that is for dr freud or fraud to explain

Bulans said...

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined our car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.

As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so.....

'Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.'

Jahamy said...

This is a good one bulans:

"Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.'

Bulans said...

yes, but easier said than done....

sharon heng said...


you can learn something from Bulans "yes, but easier said than done...." And on idealism, do not keep on giving hopes to people that cannot be achieved ... unfulfilled expectations are painful. Of course it is not your fault. You are just you trying to make people into rational human beings who care for each other! Come to think of it, when you show people what is possible but do not stay to make ti come not it your fault too?

jon pour do care said...

First love ! Betrayal ! Revenge ! (Must say exactly like Ahmad Nesfu)

I would rather stick to the maxim " No harm can be done to a willing person " & " No one can give what he or she does not have "

Jahamy said...

jon pour do care,

I would rather stick to the maxim " No harm can be done to a willing person " & " No one can give what he or she does not have " - good one. what happened to your "adious!?

sharon heng,

idealism is like a "perfect yardstick" which we use a a guide to guide our behaviour. We know we may never achieve the perfection but we at least work towards it. I do not agree that I try to change anyone because it is impossible to change anyone..the change must come from that person herself. I only share my thoughts and I hope others will share theirs with me.

Living is about hope.

You obviously know me....but you are using a nick I do not know.

Peace !

jon pour do care said...

Bro. Jay,

No more 'adious' coz I sold my horse ! Recession coming la !

Sharon Heng,

Bro. Jay changing anyone ! Hmmmmm ! Let me see ! Hmmmmmm ! I'm still thinking !....zzzzzzz !

sharon heng said...

jon pour do care,

Obviously you don't know him in person! He does it without trying !!!

mignonC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mignonC said...

Ms. Sharon heng,

would like to have further discussion with you regarding this. you think you are right, and i will think i am right. and of course, those never want to accept others opinions will never grow!

correct or nt?

sharon heng said...


What a shock! You actually deleted both mignonC's and my comments! I thought you exercised freedom of thinking like you usually preach?


I really do not have the faintest idea what you are on about. However, not that one who does not accept the opinion of others that will not grow but...those who accept the opinion of others without thinking will be stunted in growth!..:)

Jahamy said...

sharon heng,

sorry. Was trying to edit something and accidentally deleted both your and mignonC's comments. Apologies.

Still believe in freedom of thinking!!

rania_rania said...

cinta sejati or true love di dunia ini hanya akan terjadi dan ada antara seorang ibu kepada anak-anaknya. this is the true of "unconditional love." selain dari itu, cinta hanyalah cinta, harapan dan impian kosong, penuh dengan sakit hati dan kebencian ketika silap dibuat. ketika cinta penuh dengan harapan dan cita-cita maka ketulusan tidak ada lagi di dalam cinta itu.

Jahamy said...


Amat dipersetujui bahawa unconditional love sebenarnya adalah diantara anak dan ibu. Itu cinta sejati. Kepuasan ibu adalah apabila cinta nya pada anaknya itu menghasilkan kebaikan PADA anaknya.

Benar pada amnya, cinta selainnya adalah "cinta, harapan dan impian kosong, penuh dengan sakit hati dan kebencian ketika silap dibuat". Mungkin ini kerana lazimnya, "A" mencintai seseorang kerana kesan positif PADA DIRI nya bukan pada orang yang dicintai. Wujud kepentingan peribadi. Saya katakan ini hanya berlaku pada amnya. Ada pengecualiannya.

Begitu juga saya percaya rata-rata manusia katakan mereka cinta pada Allah sebenarnya atas rasa "tuntutan agama", atau "takut" atau "eskapisma" atau "mahukan sesuatu". Ada juga kepentingan peribadi. Seharusnya cinta pada Allah itu juga hanya kerana Ia Pencipta dan telah berikan kehidupan, tidak kira apa jenis kehidupan. Ini falsafah yang dipegang oleh seorang wanita Muslim bernama Rabiyathul Adawiyah yang mana falsafah beliau telah mempengaruhi saya ketika saya dalam belasan tahun.

Kiranya kita mahukan Allah mencitiai kita, mengapa tidak boleh pula kita ketepikan sikap egois dalam diri dan mencintai orang yang kita mencitai tanpa harapan balasan dan seperti ibu kepada anaknya. KIta harus mahukan perkembangan positif kepada orang yan kita cintai dan kiranya ia akhirnya tinggalkan kita juga, kita hanya perlua tanya pada diri - adakah bermanfaat pada NYA ketika ia bersama ku? Jika jawapan nya dalah "ya", itu sudah cukup.

Ipoh said...

Perhaps this is the reason why the word AMICABLY is always in verses related to Divorce or separation.
(If only the MUSLIM take notice and abide to the command ‘SHALL’ and ‘DO NOT’ in those verses.)

Divorce may be retracted twice. The divorced woman SHALL BE ALLOWED to live in the same home AMICABLY, or leave it AMICABLY. It is not lawful for the husband to take back anything he had given her. However, the couple may fear that they may transgress GOD's law. If there is fear that they may transgress GOD's law, they commit no error if the wife willingly gives back whatever she chooses. These are GOD's laws; DO NOT TRANSGRESS them. Those who transgress GOD's laws are the unjust.

If you divorce the women, once they fulfill their interim (three menstruations), you SHALL ALLOW them to live in the same home AMICABLY, or let them leave AMICABLY. DO NOT FORCE them to stay against their will, as a revenge. Anyone who does this wrongs his own soul. DO NOT take GOD's revelations in vain. Remember GOD's blessings upon you, and that He sent down to you the scripture and wisdom to enlighten you. You shall observe GOD, and know that GOD is aware of all things.

If you divorce the women, once they fulfill their interim, DO NOT PREVENT them from remarrying their husbands, if they reconcile AMICABLY. THIS SHALL BE HEEDED by those among you who believe in GOD and the Last Day. This is purer for you, and more righteous. GOD knows, while you do not know.

O prophet, say to your wives, "If you are seeking this life and its vanities, then let me compensate you and allow you to go AMICABLY.

O you who believe, if you married believing women, then divorced them before having intercourse with them, they do not owe you any waiting interim (before marrying another man). YOU SHALL COMPENSATE them equitably, and let them go AMICABLY.

O you who believe, if you married believing women, then divorced them before having intercourse with them, they do not owe you any waiting interim (before marrying another man). You shall compensate them equitably, and let them go AMICABLY.